Just let me

You haven’t done anything intentional to hurt me; I don’t think you even know that you bother me. It’s just that lately, I can’t stop thinking about how things used to be and how different they are now. Months ago, you were everything to me. I do this to myself by thinking about happy memories. I sometimes just sit and think about all the things we would talk about and laugh about, and how we talked on the phone everyday for hours. We would be in contact with each other from morning till night every single day. We used to have so many deep conversations. Everything was so fucking good. I loved it. I miss counting down the days with you. I just miss the way things used to be. I hate how things change. Why is it that any happiness in my life is taken away? It’s such fucking bullshit.

And it’s not that we don’t stay in touch now, it’s just that it’s pointless and pretty much a joke. A text message is not staying in touch. Anyone can type a sentence and hit send. I just hate when things are half-assed. Either be in my life fully or don’t be at all. Therefore, I want you fully out of my life. I love you so much but I can’t have you in my life. I don’t regret meeting you but I do regret some of the things I told you and how I allowed myself to be so open. I won't make that mistake again. I tell myself everyday not to talk to you but I can’t. I’m going to keep trying though. I wish I didn’t think about you at all. If someone came to me and said: “Take this pill and every memory of her will be gone. You won’t even know who she is.” I think I would do it. That’s so pathetic. I’m probably lying, maybe I wouldn’t do it. I’m just tired of being heartbroken.